A long winding path – part 1

Back home, my body is very achy, there is still mud under my nails, and I am hungry all the time—the aftermath of the mad two weeks in the wilderness, carrying all I needed on my back.

The trail depression kicked in as I left Eigg last Monday, and I was being driven to Fort William. After I finally got hold of the damn parcel I wondered if I could continue. But my left hip begged me for a rest, so I headed back home with the bus, feeling like there was more to be done than I did—an insatiable hunger for wild things.

The path I traced followed some places I’ve seen from afar, in other walks, or while travelling by  wheels. Places like Loch Erich and Ben Alder, Dalwhinnie, Glenfeshie, Rannoch Moor, Glen Nevis, Glenfinnan and Knoydart I’ve seen from afar, and my mind would fly over there and imagine how it would feel to be alone in the middle of these landscapes. Like the first time I visited the Highlands, it was in 2016, and I was travelling with my friend Chita’s family to Elgin, where their ancestors had left Scotland for Argentina in search of a better chance at life. As we drove through the A9 from Edinburgh, passing by Dalwhinnie and the distillery, the landscape opened up, and I felt as though I was in the middle of a dreamscape: remote, wild, and desolate. 

Back in the Netherlands, the flattest country in the world, I would stare at this picture, dreaming of hills again. My life was then very different, and I was in the midst of the worst storm I had ever experienced. I fell in love with this country all over again, after my first time visiting,  just before Eli (my 6’6” teenager) came to exist, and I travelled with my sister. On the trip, we took the train to Fort William to Glasgow, and there I saw Glen Nevis, and once more I dreamed of roaming those green hills with the one who was my fiancée at the time. Sadly enough, he was not as adventurous as he painted himself and never wanted to come to Scotland with me, so here I was, freshly separated, and my first trip was to Scotland.

Now that there is a bit of background on why this was not a competition or a mad last minute idea but the stitching of a long time desire for existing in places I had visualised in very tought times of my life, I hope to have draw a picture of the kind of feelings I had when I set out to walk from Stonehaven.

I left Inverness knowing what I was getting myself into. The last long trek I did happened just after lockdown ‘really’ finished and I had delivered my dissertation. I wandered for about five weeks, covering over 500km on foot, with no deadline or goal other than to be out there.

Then, around the summer of 2022, I fell ill. Whether it was long COVID or Lyme is still a mystery. I was partway through the Cape Wrath Trail, and as I approached the bottom of the Falls of Glomach, I felt strangely tired and feverish. Shivering, I set camp by a wee forest just about where the Iron Lodge is, in Carnach, and by now, I had a full-blown fever. I curled up in my tent for about 16 hours, unable to move or eat, just drinking water. After a long sleep,  I could start moving again; however, I had pain and itches everywhere, especially on my back. I took my phone and made pictures to assess what was going on, and there they were, about eight ticks on my back, just under my bra line, then two on my legs, and one on my arm.

I walked from Carnach to Doune so I could ask someone to remove them from my back. I could see them with my phone, but could not reach them. I had a knot in my stomach all day. Some lovely lady from New Zealand was kind enough to remove them one by one, and with a lot of pain, I went to Skye to get some advice on what to do. They sent me to my GP, who, by all odds, dismissed the possibility of Lyme but suggested that long Covid was the culprit. After this event, I was tired all the time, and I had almost no energy to trail or to do long distances.  I work from home and have to take naps every day, as I get drowsy and struggle to lift my head around 10 am and 2 pm. A few times, I was out and about for less than 4 days, and then I was so tired I couldn’t do anything physical for weeks. It wasn’t until February 2023 that I began training again. The one thing I never failed to do was the Glen Affric way—every year since 2021, at some point in the spring, summer, or autumn, I have been up that way.

  Completing this path this spring marked the culmination of nearly two and a half years of relentless training and many years of yearning to be back in the hills after I landed in Amsterdam from Quito. Spending some time in that flat country helped me realise that what I loved was being outside in the wild, putting myself through tough paths, and learning to stay humble and alert. The world of people has a way of taking you off track, making you feel fluffy and comfortable, even drowsy, but something in me is relentless, enduring, and strong-willed, and intuitively knows how to fight a good fight and come out better. No matter what you put my way, I will break through and find my way to what brings me joy. And I find joy, as I am safe in what I love, those feelings expand to others. Like a fireball, like a star, bringing warmth, inspiration and laughter to whoever I cross. Some people stay forever, some go out of their own will. Sometimes you’ve got to let them go, too. Not everyone knows how to love a wild woman. 

  Over the last few years, I have focused on eating, sleeping, and letting go of habits, people, and places that had depleted my energy, both physically and mentally. Somewhere on my Instagram, I wrote that this trail wasn’t a competition, it wasn’t to show anyone anything, but to test where I stand and ensure I know exactly where I want to go now. Clearly, I am better today than I was then. But something really lovely happened at the end of the journey, while sipping a pint of Guinness in Eigg. I saw my teenage self being very proud of who I am today.

This is an introduction to the stories to come, which may inspire others to take on a challenge, perhaps not the same. But to take the same attitude, the same mindset, and put it to work in their lives. And make their child selves proud too.

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