After an intense and magical solstice, contained by stone walls whikle the roof were the stars, and under the bright moonlight, I had a vision. It involved overlapping timelines and parallel universes. My field of vision and tact was altered under the almost full moon on the darkest night of the year. The whole landscape became crisp, everything defined and distinct and yet faded depending on the layer of reality I was trying to understand. The trees were both small and gigantic at the same time. The abandoned cairns were being functionally used and yet forgotten, new and old. The beings were ancient and newly borne. No substances were added to my brain chemistry that day, but the exhilarating experience of sharing this magical night with many and my soul brother with whom I have a deep, dark connection that remains a mystery to me now that he is long gone from my field.
We sneaked out from the group, standing long after the celebrations were finished, glued to the fire pit in the parking area. We walked into the central cairn inner circle. There is no artificial light out there, but the silver moonlight made it all spooky, and I doubt I would venture to stand inside the cairn if it wasn’t for his presence. Both safe and scary, loving and despicable. I don’t know if it was the intensity of the solstice energy or that we finally made it to a proper ancient celebration together. Still, he held both my hand and his friend’s, a tender act I didn’t see coming but brought me back to when we just met and we had ideas and hopes of love. It moved me deeply, and as I write this, I think this tenderness, this one moment of humbleness he expressed for the first time after we reunited, triggered the visions.
Like the feeling of knowing that there is something inspiring, beautiful, powerful and yet vulnerable, pure, deep and kind between you and me, and nevertheless, it has the potential of being terrifying, capable of wrath, destruction and pain so intense that understanding and imagination can no longer comprehend. Just like this is how I see you and how I see me. Eternal and finite, ephemeral and timeless, swinging between being and non-being. Battling between preconceptions of how and who we should be and the humbling surrendering to unknowable loving forces compelling us to feel above thinking. I am happy this doesn’t scare me. I am happy I can move beyond the fear of the known attachments into the fierce dream of the rebel soul whose ideas are unrealised in time and space. That night, I saw beyond this time and the forms of human connection that destroy freedom and consume identities.
I wish you could, too.